Fat bitch in a bar says 'If you can guess my weight, you can f **k me.' A bloke says, ''Bout three ton you fat ugly  mole '.
She says, 'That's close enough you lucky bastard'.

The latest club craze is to fill a woman's vagina with vodka and then suck it out using a straw. Doctors are warning about the dangers of minge drinking

A farmer in  Devon  has made history by growing a field of dildos!
Unfortunately he's had a lot of trouble with squatters!

85% of  Ipswich ,  Queensland  males say they enjoy sex in the shower........ The other 15% haven't been to prison yet

Just bought a racehorse called 'My Face', It may not be any good but I can't wait to hear all the women in the crowd screaming 'come on .. ..My face

I've just been to my first Muslim birthday party! Musical chairs was a bit slow but f* * k me, pass the parcel was fast!

2 Irish couples decide to swap partners. Afterwards Paddy said to Murphy that's the best f* * k I've ever had, I wonder how the girls got on?

If mothers Celebrate mother's day, fathers celebrate father's day, lovers celebrate valentine's day, do wankers celebrate palm Sunday?

Terry Gliddon weighs 120kg, so his doctor puts him on a diet. 'I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day and repeat this for 2 weeks, you should lose 10kgs .' When Terry returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost 40 kg .

'That's amazing the doc said'...Terry nodded...'I'll tell you be Jesus, I taut I was gonna drop dead by da 3rd day.' 'What from hunger said the doc?'...'No from the f........g skipping!'

CHANNEL NINE HAVE SAID THAT  BLACKS  AND ASIANS ARE NOT REPRESENTED ENOUGH ON TV SO THEY'RE PUTTING CRIME  WATCH ON TWICE A WEEK.

Are you available to come to a charity pancake competition on Shrove Tuesday? The organisers have the pans and the ingredients they just need a tosser.