Husband says "that's not true .. sometimes I want a kebab"

 

A man approaches a young woman in a shop.

He says "I can't find my wife, can I talk to you for a few minutes?"

The woman says "Sure, but do you have any idea where your wife is?"

"Not a clue," he says, "but whenever I talk to a woman with tits like yours, she appears out of nowhere!"

 

The Japanese government have thanked Britain for the rescue dogs they sent out to help with the nuclear disaster. They said they were delicious!

 

My sexy Chinese neighbour told me she was desperate for a "Roger". It was only when I had my trousers round my ankles and my cock out, that I realised she wanted to rent her spare room out!!

 

Teacher to class: "Children, we are all descendants of Adam and Eve"

Pupil: "But Miss, my mummy and daddy said we came from the apes."

Teacher: "Stay out of this one Abdul, I'm not talking about your lot."

 

Why is it whenever you see a fit blonde eating a banana you think of a porn film but when you see a black women eating a banana you think of the Discovery Channel.

 

A farmer gets a phone call from his son.

"I've run over a pig and its stuck under the tractor still alive."

"Shoot it," says the farmer, "and then bury it."

About 20mins later he gets another call..."

"Done that, what should I do with his speed camera and motorbike?"

 

David Cameron has announced he intends to make it more difficult to claim benefits.

From next week the forms will only be printed in English.

 

The Irish have joined in the attack on Libya.

They sent in three ships - two full of sand and one full of cement It was a mortar attack.

 

A woman had been on the game for 4 years and was worried about the size of her fanny on her wedding night so she decided to tell her husband she caught it climbing over a fence.

After an hour in bed with her he said "How far across the field were you before you realised it was caught?"